It All Begins with Just Prayers of The Feeling of Hopelessness

Reality, it is so painful. In the blink of an eye, I am already on my late twenties. I look back and think of what I have done for the past 29 years of my life.

“You are not young anymore, when are you getting married?”

This is what I have been hearing from my relatives when I get to meet them. Christmas is coming, the new year of 2018 is coming, Chinese New Year is coming, and these only means “gatherings”. When we come as one big family, the question of marriage starts to ring in my head. In my generation of relatives, all are married with kids except for me and another cousin of mine. Well, it’s safe for her, she is just in her early twenties. 

It is almost the end of the year 2017, and here I am, living my life like it was a restart point for me. Why I say this? Cause I am back to school and it will take 3 years of my life from now to graduate. Of course some of you may say, “ah, it’s normal, I have friends who went back to school when they are in their thirties”. For me, it is a big decision to make when I decided to go back to school. Friends around my age are in the working world, some are successful, some are just living the everyday working life. Some even told me that to study all over again is a waste of time. Furthermore, what I am studying now is totally unrelated to my 6 years of working life. 

Well, when I was in my early twenties, I just decided that Banking and Finance is not for me and I went to pursue “Beauty industry, like facial, aesthetic treatments, etc.” as I has always dreamt to be an aesthetician one day. But, it hit me when I realise I can’t learn and go any further in my line unless I am to open my own business. 

So, guess what, I chose my second best interest. 


That’s how I come to studying again, preparing myself to the finance industry. Yes, it’s like I wasted the 6 years of my life in the working world and it’s not even related to the thing I am studying now. As far as I remember I used to be just an average student back in my school days in the past. So taking this risk as I was going forward with my life, knowing that to make things worse of just being an average student, I had lost touch in studying. And you know what, I aim to have my First Class Honors. Big step for me. 

I have not even mention the worst yet. I just ended a relationship with someone whom I thought I will spend the rest of my life with. Things got sour towards the end of 2017, and the relationship ended. Am I okay? Of course not! September is just the beginning of my study life and suddenly now I have to deal with a broken heart? Of course I am so not okay. With such a big aim for my studies and having to handle the pain of my broken heart, I can’t deal all of this on my own. In a positive way of thinking, it is kind of the restart point in the every areas of my life. In a negative way of thinking, so not! Having a broken heart will affect emotions and emotions lead to the things you will do if it is not handled properly. As for my case, I will not go as far as committing suicide, but the past kept haunting me that I can just cry at night when I am alone and having sleepless nights that will affect my concentration during lessons in school.

This can’t go on. I had no one to turn to because I know no one can help me emotionally. 

“God, HELP ME”

That was my cry as I looked up to the sky. Then I started condemning myself. It must have been I was not good enough. Being a christian from born, I have not been diligently going to church nor do I diligently read the Word of God in the bible. I started thinking that it was my sins and disobedient that comes down to this life of mine. 

If you are facing something like a life like mine or something even worse, please rid all of that thoughts to the back of your mind. In fact, you should not even think that way of yourself. There is no good coming out of condemning yourself. The only one that is rejoicing in this misery of yours is the devil. The devil love to bring people of this world to misery and it is his job to keep us unhappy. You don’t want that do you? 

I am here to tell you readers good news. I will share with you how I get out of this misery of mine through the Word of God, the Bible. In the Bible, you will find truths and teachings that will lead me and you to live the blessed life till eternity and that no one and even the devil can ever take this joy of truths from your life. 

It all started out with the cry when I looked up the sky. Then there is something in my heart prompting me to listen to a sermon. So, I opened up my YouTube and I chanced upon a video by Dr Charles Stanley on his topic talking about “Waiting on the Lord”. As I listened, I started to get curious and that was the night I started to open up my bible (through youversion, the bible app). Oh by the way, just to clarify, I am not doing marketing and advertising for any of the videos nor app that I mentioned. It is just so happen they play a part in my walk with the Lord.

So, when I started reading the verses in the bible hand in hand with the teachings led by Dr Charles Stanley, my heart felt warm and my mind is full of curiosity as I was reading more and more. Without realise, I got so curious of the Word of God that I started to read the bible and note important verses especially those that speaks to me. Reading the app was not enough for me as I really love to get the feel of having the bible physically as a book. So I went to get one for myself and I feel so happy, is like the feeling of choosing my life partner, for this bible will be with me for life. I will talk more about my life with the Lord and quote verses from the bible as I move along in this blog. 

Thank you for reading a snippet of my life and I will share more as we go along. Have a blessed restful night, readers. God Bless (: 


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Thank you for sharing! I also have a background in finance. In my early 20’s I worked in the mortgage industry. It definitely wasn’t what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. The funny thing is- it was my degree in finance that ushered the door into ministry! God always uses exactly what we have to move us in His direction, which is His desires and our dreams. Keep looking up- He will not disappoint!! Bless you Silvia:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow thank you for such encouraging words, Patricia (: I am still in a place of not knowing what my life is going to lead me to. But while doing that, I have this desire to blog and share the Word of God with the people who read my sharings (: The feeling of writing bless me as I was sharing and I am so happy that it has blessed others too. God is good indeed (: God bless you too, Patricia

      Liked by 1 person

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